All healers were once wounded. Some did the work and came through the light to find enlightenment, some of us are still working through our issues, while maintaining our hearts towards the light holding out with hope, but some never seem to walk through the darkness of their own ancestral traumas and carry the burden of their lineage woundings in the false pretence of upholding cultural wisdom.
Since our relocation here, we have met with mostly lovely and welcoming people in the community. Unfortunately, like my hubby said, there has to be one black sheep somewhere, it’s the same everywhere in the world, because not everyone is nice. I get that. I truly do, but what was shocking to me was that I was met with pure hostility by a local healer whom I engaged to bless my home when we first got in, only to have her turn her back on me to accuse me of cultural appropriation, when I shared my pepeha with the community.
A pepeha is a traditional Māori form of introduction that expresses a person’s identity and connections to their heritage and environment. I first learned about pepeha from my teacher Grandmother Moetu Taiha in a Shamanic Māori Wisdom online course before our relocation to Aotearoa, simply because I wanted to learn more about the traditions of Māori wisdom. It was our homework to create one and to share it with the class. When our kids went to their new school, they too were asked to write their own pepeha. Now coming from a tiny island like Singapore, which is multicultural and full of immigrants from all over Asia, our lineages are a mixed bag, and we certainly have no mountain to call our own. We have a Singapore river but it’s definitely not one that I connect my heart with.
This healer brought to my attention that I was doing my pepeha wrong, and that I was not born on this land, and therefore cannot claim Maunga Taranaki as my mountain. It would sound to me like I would be telling the expatriates living in Singapore that they cannot claim Singapore River as their river. It would sound wrong, as if I do not welcome the many expatriates living in Singapore. Of course, no one will ever say that in Singapore, because we were all brought up to learn all about living peacefully with everyone regardless of race, colour or religion. Racial Harmony Day is well celebrated in school, so all the kids understood the importance of embracing other cultures, races, and religions. Now I really appreciate this identity even more, now that I have experienced this form of ‘racism’ from a local, a healer no less. If I were to be writing this blog yesterday when I was filled with anger and injustice, I would probably share screenshots of all the abuses that was hurled to me in SMS, accusing me of stealing cultural and knowledge systems because of my own lack of connection to my own lineage, and shaming me for writing my own pepeha because I found my home here in Taranaki, and calling Maunga Taranaki my mountain and Oākura River as my river, even though I was not born on this land.
There are many immigrants here from all over the world, who chose to move to Aotearoa for whatever reasons. Everyone who got here, learned to create their pepeha in some ways to connect with the Māori culture, which is a beautiful indigenous heritage that I did felt strongly for before this happened. However, it takes only one black sheep to warp my perceptions and perspectives of the people, the culture, and even the word ‘healer’. How does one call oneself a healer, and yet hold no compassion or tolerance for foreigners living on their land? There is a lot of historical back story between the locals and how they fought for their land back from the occupiers in Aotearoa. I do not know the exact details of this history, but what I do know is that, this particular healer after blessing my home, contacted me a few weeks after to ask me to host her family for a couple weeks for when they return home to Taranaki, and when I respectfully declined her request because my family dynamics will not do well with long term rentals, therefore only doing short term Airbnbs, I was met with a hostile accusation that shocked me greatly. I was accused of having to monetise the space for retreats out of Airbnbs just like everyone else here, while I have the privilege to assist local whanau, and yet not doing so. I was truly in shocked to read that, and did not know what to feel, but I did my best to be respectful of that fact that she was a healer, and not throw my emotions of what her message made me felt back to her then.
Yet here I am, reading back on all messages she had sent me, calling me New Age Spiritual, stealing indigenous culture and wisdom? What am I stealing really? I am merely trying to learn the culture, and we were all taught to write our own pepeha. My teacher did not commented that I wrote it wrong, and even if I did, was it such a grave mistake that warrant all the nasty name calling from someone who claims to be a healer? With hindsight, I realise that I was only the object of a hate from ancestral lineages beyond me, or my understanding. There was no one else to put hate into, and then she found me, an easy target perhaps to channel all her frustrations of foreigners living on the land they claimed to be theirs, and having the ability to buy homes, possibly instilling more anger and hatred, that we were even allowed to buy homes here in the first place. This wounding runs deep, and it will take many generations to resolve if not this one. Imagine, we were all descendants of either victims or tyrants of the previous World Wars I and II, and if all of us had been holding these grudges all these years against all the countries that had domination over us and inflicted wounds and scars, how will we ever live together in peace in harmony on Earth? The assets of Mother Earth belongs to her, not anyone, so technically, no one has the right to claim any mountains, rivers or seas. But, we can all feel the connection to what calls us, what made us feel connected to Nature, through these mountains, rivers and sea, and to have someone tell me that I cannot call Mount Taranaki my mountain, then why was I called to live here? Maybe, I am here to exactly reveal what lies beneath on this land. All the woundings that has not been healed. Maybe its time for everyone to open their eyes to see that in order for human beings to live in harmony, there has to be room for embracing the outsiders, the foreigners, the locals, the indigenous, and to learn from the hurt in the past, instead of holding the grudge and blame to carry it forth to future generations. What are we teaching our future ancestors exactly?
This totally open up my eyes to see the layers that lies beneath each human being, whether you are a healer or not. We are all capable of light and dark, and which side do we want to favour to live our lives by? It is hard and challenging to hold your other face to be slapped by the neighbour as Jesus taught. It is hard to be kind in a world that wants to make us bend down on our knees, but let kindness be your religion, let compassion guide your heart. It is easy to shout back, hurl insults and blame, but look into the mirror, are you truly blameless and sin free no matter who you are, where you come from, whatever your background is?
To say that this incident had changed my mind and feelings about Aotearoa is an understatement. I have heard about the silent racism that can occur without anyone saying anything, unlike their counterparts in Down Under, who blatantly shows racism in your face. Yes, I experienced a young boy swimming past me in a rock pool in Brisbane shouting, ‘Go away, Japanese whore’ more than 20 years ago, and it still stayed with me to this day. While this wasn’t an exact racist remark made to my face, it caused a deeper wounding of everything that I cared about. Maybe because I had respected this healer before, and to receive such treatment was totally unexpected and gave me a hard reality check on my perspective on all healers that will come my way in the future. Discernment is so important, because not all healers who claim to be so, are healed. Their wounds run deep, and they could project onto anyone who is blissfully unaware. How will I continue to live my life here in Aotearoa? With grateful thanks and reverence that our family made it here despite the challenges, and lots of other challenging situations awaits like having to re-clad our external walls because the extreme weather had created a leak in one of the bedrooms below, and it will likely cause us a big hole in the bank account, not to mentioned the inconvenience of renovations while living under the same roof. And I will continue to hold respect for Maunga Taranaki, Oākura river, and the land that we are now guardians of, and hopefully only meet and connect with people who accept and embrace us for what we are in the community.
