Death, it is inevitable and comes to everyone, but yet it is always harder for those whom are left behind. I have always been fascinated by what happens after death, since the passing of my own father back in 2002. Where did he go, if there is really another realm, is it way more beautiful and peaceful that what we see here on Earth? I am not afraid of my own death, but I fear the death of my love ones, because I will be left behind to feel the anguish and pain of grieving.
On 27 July 2025, I was hit with the news of the passing of a friend, a teacher, a kind and compassionate soul Wai Fong, who had been my greatest supporter of my journey beginning as a sound healing practitioner. She offered me her space to hold my events at affordable rental rates at her studio Centre of Joy, knowing that I only just started and still building up my community. On events where I don’t meet minimum sign ups, she even allowed me to pay lower rental fees so I can still hold space to those who signed up. I will always be grateful for her support in such small, yet important detail for me to grow myself. She also learned the Native American Flute with me, and was a Red Tent sister, and came to support me in my very last Kirtan event before I left Singapore. It came as a shock to know that was the last day I ever saw her. I was also learning how to Zentangle with her and other Zentangle teachers online, during the entire Covid lockdown, and that was so important as it kept me sane during that period of time, gave me a space to retreat from the family to go inwards through the art of Zentangle. I wish we had spend more time together. I did not expect her death to affect me the way it did. I allowed myself to grieve her passing too soon.
It is in these times that we realise how we often take time with our family and friends for granted. It is a wake up call to remember to just pick up the phone and give a call or text to someone that crosses our mind, just checking in to see how they are without agenda. You never know when it will be the last time you see or speak to each other. Don’t let the busyness of life make you forget that you are not living alone in this world. No one can live alone, even if sometimes you might think you’re better off without family or friends when they step on your toes or pisses you off big time. When death comes between, nothing matters anymore.
The global average lifespan of a human life is 72 years. We spend a good chunk of it before 40 to chase after what the society expects us to chase after. Then maybe come a mid-life crisis to make you pause to examine what its all about? You wake up one day deciding to change it all, remembering how short of a life you have left, and you want to get out there to carpe diem the shit out of it. You start learning things you want to learn as a child but never did. You start culling the friends in your circle who no longer align with your new belief systems. You might even question the mundane marriage you got into, thinking it was love at first, only to realise that love was never enough to sustain till death do us part. Not knowing when your own expiry date is, you start to throw caution out, and live up your life the way you want it, and not the way society expect you to live it. You start learning more about yourself, start to love yourself all over again, because you were never taught as a child to love yourself first, and whatever time you have left, you want to make the best of it, hopefully that when the day comes to your death, you can go gently and peacefully with a smile on your face, knowing that you did the best for you.
Death itself is not scary, but mourning is. That aching pain in the heart that suffocates the breath, forcing tears out of your eyes like a leaky faucet, using up tons of tissues, that is what we all will have to go through in life at some point, and hopefully when the time comes, you have the tools and the insights to make sense of it all, and to carry you through the grieving times, until one day, the heart gets lighter, and you remember how to honour the memory of love ones gone, with only a smile on your face.
